"The secret of eternal youth is arrested development."

"I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches."

"He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle."

"If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me."

"I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches."

"He appears to have been weened on a pickle."

"On Thanksgiving Day all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment - halftime."

"LITIGATION, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage."

"Talent, lying in the understanding, is often inherited; genius, being the action of reason or imagination, rarely or never."

"If the riches of the Indies, or the crowns of all the kingdom of Europe, were laid at my feet in exchange for my love of reading, I would spurn them all."

"Many things are worse than defeat,and compromise with evil is one of them."

"Family dinners are more often than not an ordeal of nervous indigestion, preceded by hidden resentment and ennui and accompanied by psychosomatic jitters."